>> Friday, August 24, 2007
A new symptom has set in and this time it's in the form of fear. Fear and anxiety is foreign to me...not something I've ever wrestled with before. It's gripping. Almost tortuous. Whether it comes from my brush with death this time last year and my current state of health has me scared of dying. Or my adrenal glands (the part of your body that helps us deal with stress) have gone awry and have my emotions out of whack...I don't know. Either way this is not normal for me. I've ventured out of the house a couple times this week and each time it has ended in either hyperventilation or dizziness, nausea and a gripping sense of fear. It feels almost like a sense of impending doom. It's hard to explain. But I know it's a sign that something is not right within me.
So what should I do? I could run back to all my doctors but I'll bet any amount of money they won't know what's wrong. They'll probably hand me a prescription for an antidepressant or the like. OR I could lift my eyes to the hills, from whence my help comes from. My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. "Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."
When my thoughts turn to Him, it's amazing how peace washes over me, cleanses me. Immediately I feel some relief. I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord is my salvation. You can keep your antidepressants and your drugs...just give me Jesus. He is the best medicine.
However, I do believe that fear and depression are NOT something we should settle for. I believe they are God's way of signaling that something is NOT RIGHT within our bodies...they are symptoms just like a fever or pain. I am learning to pay better attention to my body. I am learning about the healing power of foods. And I am learning about the body's amazing ability to heal itself. If our bodies are out of balance then a whole host of things start going wrong. And as Americans (and I am very guilty of this!), we want quick relief. If something goes wrong we run to our doctors asking for the latest and greatest pill. What want relief and we want it now. There is a place for prescriptions in our society. I'm not denying that. But I want to take better care of my body than filling it with synthetic drugs. God gave us good foods...they are drugs too. And if we use them wisely they can heal even better.
I don't want to settle for being depressed. I don't want to just assume that this is part of the aging process. Something is NOT right within my body and I'm going to be responsible and allow it to heal and give it all the support I can in the meantime. I no longer want a quick fix. I'm in this for the long haul.
God keeps reminding me of the verse over and over again, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I don't see fear and anxiety, depression or even constant headaches anywhere within God's plan for my life. He is the giver of life. He is where my help comes from! He is my source of relief.