Cleansed from Within

>> Tuesday, August 7, 2007

This verse came to me as I was driving to the zoo with my kids today.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalms 139:23,24

The last 3-4 weeks have been miserable. I started a new migraine medication a month ago that sent me spiraling downhill very fast. Almost from the minute I took the first pill I haven't been myself. I've been crying and depressed. My thoughts have been all over the place...uncontrollable, anxious, and offensive. Search me, O God. I've been doubting myself, my faith, and my abilities to do anything. I've been fatigued and barely able to get out of bed. UGH! What has this drug done to me? But what amazes me more is how quickly my mind and spirit can be persuaded. I'm sure the enemy loves opportunities like this to sneak in his little lies. But I'm reminded of another verse....

Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.

Psalm 1:4

How is it we can be so confident one day and blow away like chaff the next? Scary. It reminds me so more of how much I need Him. I fall so short of the glory of God. But what amazes me the very most is how our loving God continually, time and time again forgives us for "blowing away" and takes us back. It's the purest definition of grace. Sing it with me...

Grace, grace, God's grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
Grace, grace, God's grace,
Grace that is greater than all my sin.

This song came on our radio today. I couldn't help but smile when I heard it. I'm starting to wean myself off my migraine medicine now and I feel hopeful again. My body is being "cleansed" within of this toxin, just like God cleanses of our sin. God's grace gives us hope for the future because He loves us no matter what. Thank goodness for that!!


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